Being a new parent can be so scary. You read all the books and do all the classes, but nothing prepares you for that moment when you meet your new baby. The emotions are wild, there is nothing you would not do for this tiny child that is all bundled up in a pink or blue blanket. This tiny human is all that you ever needed, and the books did not prepare you for the moment you are to walk out of the hospital doors. Here is a list of tips that I learned through my experience of being a mother of four children.
10. Good parenting equals good partnership, and vice versa.
Being a good parent equates to being a good partner. Try not to forget about your partner and his or her needs. Moms need so much support during the adjustments of motherhood. A small human just emerged from her, and the changes are wild, try to remember that she needs help more than anything. Dads are so easily forgotten about, too, and are dealing with the adjustment that there is another person in the house. Life does not just revolve around the two of you anymore and we, moms, need to remember that through our healing, dad may have witnessed something traumatic for him. As tough as he is, he had to watch his partner in pain and giving birth. We need to check in on Dad, too. Empathize with each other and parenting will be a breeze.
9. Breastfeeding Support for New Moms.
Here is a great breastfeeding informational video.
Breastfeeding is so hard for moms. No one talks about the 2 a.m. engorgement or the pain when you have a baby latch for the first time. Everyone says that there should not be pain with breastfeeding, and I have found that not to be entirely true. I have breastfed each of one of my children and nipple pain is normal. In my experience, the pain lasted for at least two weeks until I was used to the latching. Always consult a health professional or a lactation specialist with any questions you have about breastfeeding.
Dads. Please understand the changes your partner is going through and be that support system for her. Just because she nurses the baby at night and does not “need” you, trust me when I say, she needs you. Help her adjust her pillows, get the baby for her, get her a snack and water, and talk to her so she does not fall asleep. If she wants to quit breastfeeding, be the support she needs to make that choice.
Moms. Thank you goes a long way. But please remember that dad has feelings and being tired, short fused and feeling like a milk truck is not an excuse to be negative to the person you love.
8. Formula Feeding is Great.
As a new parent, the pressure is jacked up to 100. Breastfeeding is always pushed on new moms and parents. You can make any choice you want. This is your child, and you decide what to feed him or her, whether it be by breast or bottle. Formula is amazing and is a terrific way to feed your child. Thank goodness we have that as an option. When formula feeding, buy three different bottles with different nipples and if one does not work that great, then go on to the next. I made the mistake of buying a bunch of the same bottles and my child hated that bottle and I had to buy more of a different brand.
7. Advocate for yourself, your partner, or your child.
Remember to advocate for yourself when you are in the hospital. If something is not working right or you feel off. You must say something. When your partner looks cold or looks uncomfortable, advocate for them. That goes both ways for mom and dad. If you want to keep your child in your room, say that and if the child needs to go somewhere else, have a parent go with if that is what you want. ADVOCATE FOR YOUSELF.
6. Hold your baby and heal.
Your baby spent all their time inside your warm belly, and it is okay when they cry. I know that there are things to get done but hold your baby and allow yourself the time to heal. Even if Betsy down the road says to use the cry it out method, I can assure you, that is not a thing. We do not do that with NEW babies anymore. When you need a stress break, put the baby down in a safe place, the crib or pack ‘n’ play, and find a place for yourself to feel better for ten minutes. Then tend to your baby. If you still need help after this call someone right away, whether it be your mom or Betsy down the road. Get the help, please do not wait. You are a new parent, and this stuff takes time to learn.
7. Postpartum is real.
This message is for Moms and Dads. Just when you think that this will not happen to you, it will. Get the help you need to heal. Some of us go through traumatic births and need counseling to get through it. Please take this step and talk about what happened. Talking is the best thing you can do for yourself. Even dads witness horrible things that happen to their partner during childbirth, we need to realize this and act. This is trauma. Check in with each other and make sure we are talking about the issue. When I had my second child, there was a moment when I thought I was going to die, and I remember looking at my husband’s eyes and being okay with the outcome. That is trauma for me, but also for him. It is important to check in with each other.
6. Put the baby in THE outfit.
You bought your baby the most adorable outfit that you cannot wait to put him or her in, but you are waiting for the perfect day to put them in it. Put the outfit on them. Babies grow so fast and so unpredictably that you might miss the opportunity. I finally realized this with my last baby. She wore her cute Halloween outfit way into November. Just put them in the outfit.
5. Do not compare your baby to other babies.
We are human and we have this need to compare ourselves to everyone no matter the situation. This is one time that you cannot do that. All babies are different. Some sleep through the night right away and some sleep through the night at the end; all babies develop differently and at their own pace. When you have any questions about the development of your baby, just call your health care provider. Just do not compare your baby with someone else’s, that takes the enjoyment out of becoming a new parent.
4. Sleep whenever you want to sleep.
The saying goes, “Sleep when baby sleeps.” I cannot stand this saying. I am here to tell you not to feel guilty about that saying, if you do not want to sleep. You are a new parent, sleep when you want to sleep. If you want to stay up for a few hours to have some time to yourself, do it. No one should make you feel guilty about that. That is called self-care too. But with that being said, try to sleep enough.
3. See people YOU want to see and get comfortable with the word No.
Easier said than done, but you control who comes over to your house or to your hospital room. Only see the people you want to see. You are not required to have a whole family reunion unless YOU choose to. Everyone else can wait. This is YOUR time with YOUR child. Make them wait and enjoy your new baby with your partner. You are a new parent and take the time you want.
2. Join a social media parenting group.
Being a new parent, you will struggle. And “It takes a village.” Find a parenting group that you think can help you with your struggles. There are a lot of tricks and tactics that parents use that will make life easier. These private groups also invite venting and anonymous posting.
1. Everything is going to be okay.
This is such a stressful time for you and your partner. Always remember that you love each other and to take time for each other. The minute you make parenting more important than your love for your husband or wife, is the minute everything you built will start crumbling.
If you do not have a partner, then love yourself. Take the time to treat yourself to things that you need or want. You are not just a new parent. You are so much more than that and you deserve to treat yourself.
Overview
As you have found out being a new parent can be rewarding, but also very challenging. Remember these tips and tricks and they will benefit you tremendously. But always consult a health professional if you need help, that is important to remember.
