Here’s a quick link to my 5 year olds favorite song, it fits.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZJocdnMvTYs
Now I know that I am not the only one with a firey second born child. They take everything you love the most and either draw on it, paint on it, rip it, stomp on it, you name the horrible action and that is what they do. But they also grab you by your heart strings and drag you through with their thoughtfulness and loving demeanor. They are stubborn, but kind-hearted and very assertive. Stick it out till the end of this text so I can give you five tips from a Stay-at-home-mom with a very sweet, but firey second born child.
5. Clear and Concise
A lot of children have a tough time following the rules, but there are also the children who just decide they want to follow THEIR own set of rules. I am looking at you, second born children! I have found that if I give my five-year-old daughter a rule, she is hell bent on breaking that rule. So, through this I have learned that being Clear and Concise is one of the super important things you can do. For example, I set a boundary. No jumping on the couch. My five-year-old breaks that rule, now instead of explaining in this long-drawn-out conversation about how it’s bad for the couch or it’s bad to break rules, I simply say no we do not jump on the couch. Do not overdo it with details. Some children’s curious minds will ask why and explain the simple reasons in small words. Like, “we don’t jump on the couch because you can get hurt.” I gave Clear rules and Concise explanation.
4. Positive Structure
Structure is important for most kids. My First child she does not seem to need structure as much as my second child does. What I have found is that with our rule benders they need lines. This is why most of us make grocery lists whenever we go shopping because the positive structure of making that list is a tool for us to remember the things we need. We know the outcome if we do not create a list. The same applies to our small humans. We need to teach them what positive structure is. My daughter’s chore is emptying the litter box, she knows that if she misses a day there will be more waste to clean out. The positive outcome and natural consequences help her understand the structure in place for her to do well during the day.
3. Follow Through
“Okay, if you jump on the couch again, you will not get your tablet for the rest of the day.” Now this is hard for some parents, but it is a necessity for these children. Follow through with everything, all discipline should be followed through completely. Even if it makes your life miserable. You cannot give in, even though it will be tempting. Following through keeps your child remembering that you are serious and will hopefully think twice about breaking a rule. But also remember, follow through on positive rewards for good behavior. Your child needs to know that you follow through for those opportunities too.
2. Remain Calm
Your child is now raising all sorts of Cain in the house and making your ears bleed with the screaming and tantrums. I am not the perfect parent, so I still have trouble with this one, but you must not give into their utter chaos. Remain calm and all will dissipate. Your child will realize that they have no effect on you and that listening is the better option, because tantruming is so tiring. And the last thing they want to give into is sleep! HA!
And finally, 1. Engage
Engaging is the most important thing for your second born feral child. My daughter constantly wanders with her eyes when she is in trouble. It seems like she has something better to look at or more interesting than me. Fear not, make them engage with what you are saying. Eye contact and if eye contact is not for you or your child, repetition is a perfect alternative. Make him or her repeat what you are saying. “I told you not to jump on the couch. What did I tell you?” The child should answer the question with something like “Not to jump on the couch.” This will help you later with enforcing the boundaries that you need in place and your child should be able to recall or remember what you said.
Easier said than done!
Always remember that each child is different, and some days are better than others. At the end of the day, It is not a contest on who can raise the best children. I love my second child so much, she will grow up to do amazing things. We need to teach them how to harness their qualities and spead them in a positive way. And most of all we need each other to succeed and to raise kind, respectful humans; that’s another reason I made this blog, because it takes a village. Hopefully, you are able to use some or all of my advice, even if you only use one thing, that is still going to change you child for the better. Now these tactics work for my child, but all children are different so do not get too down on yourself if it doesn’t work for you or your child. Shoot me a comment and I will make sure to respond!
Let’s raise Cupcakes and not Monsters!
2 responses to “5 Ways to Help Parent that Second Child”
These are good! Thank you 😁 I definitely struggle with my second born wild child! I will be trying to change things around!
It is not easy, but it is worth trying. I’m still working it too! 🙂