Becoming a mom is one of the hardest things that women go through and without a mama support system it gets even harder. Sure, the pregnancy is difficult, but after having baby and everyone you knew suddenly disappears. That’s a new level of difficult isolation.
Sometimes you need to take a break from everything and use the Mama Support System. I did that. I’m not going to lie to everyone and tell you that being a stay-at-home mom is easy. I have had a really “off” bunch of days. Where everything seemed to be spiraling downhill. Where my husband and support system being gone was weighing on my shoulders but trying to keep him in the loop with everything was essential. The constant whining and repetitive questions began to be too much. Being in charge of three meals a day for my kids seemed to put me over the edge and I really started to spiral down the pipes. This all seems ridiculous once it’s put on paper. But that’s the thing isn’t it. When your problems are all up in your face and too close to recognize, it can be a bit much.
How did I manage?
When we are stuck in these unrelenting ruts of life, what do we do? Sure, many people ask questions like, “Well are you sleeping?” And my usual reply is… “No” or “Never heard of it.” I can tell you right now that the things you need most, like sleep or even eating, can be so far out of reach but still within arm’s length. And every day for the past two weeks, I have really struggled with these “simple” tasks for myself. But nobody panics because making my children and my husband meals or taking care of their needs, I can do. But not my own. To answer the question above of “How did I manage?” The truth is, I didn’t.
The people in my life stepped up to the plate to help me in any way they could. My dad took time out of his day to come over to my house and chat with me for a bit about life and stress. We always have the best conversations. My mom came out to my house and brought my children and I dinner. We even went for a walk after with the kids and she helped me talk it out. The best part of these conversations with my parents is that I know that I can just talk, and they will listen. They understand my struggles and when they hear I need a small pick-me-up they will be there with dinner or dessert in hand.
My wonderful mother-in-law and father-in-law helped as well. My MIL knows that when I start to spiral that I like to seclude myself to my home and not leave. She will invite us over and she’s very persuasive. HA! But this time she surprised my husband and I with a random date night. She took the four kids overnight and thank goodness, it went well. My husband and I went out to a local restaurant and shared a bunch of appetizers. We talked about so many topics and laughed so much. And I woke up feeling refreshed and rejuvenated and I had time to myself the next morning.
My friend since elementary school is also an ever-present person in my life. She runs her own business out of her home, and she makes the most wonderful baked goods. I feel that time moves slower in her home because of the homemade lifestyle she has created for herself. She makes amazing coffee and has a soul that resembles a warm Autumn Day. Everything about her home makes me feel relaxed and welcome. The scent of her home smells like a mixture of patchouli and pumpkins or something she has been baking. She is also a stay-at-home mom with four kids and understands the stresses that I feel on a daily basis. The most important attribute we have is that we understand each other.
So, the real answer to the question “How did I manage?” Is really that I didn’t. Everyone else around me did. The statement “It takes a village”, stands strong. It really does take a village for raising babies, but also for making sure mom is feeling her very best.
Mom Circle
I am not an overly out-going person and I really do not like being out in public. I’m the kind of mom that wished that a convenience store had a drive thru. Let’s be honest with ourselves, it’s a pretty great idea and what’s more convenient than a convenience store drive-thru. HA! With that being said, I do also realize how important having a social outlet can be.
Having a mama support system is detrimental to your own well-being. I have a friend who recently invited me to a movie that I really wanted to go see, but I couldn’t go because I am a stay-at-home mom who cannot just drop everything for a leisurely activity. But I did text her back to tell her to please do not stop inviting me to things, because one of these times I will be able to go. That is the truth. Friends without kids, keep inviting the friends that have kids. Their mental health needs to know that there are still people out there that want to hang out with them.
I am blessed with quality friends that became part of my mama support system. One in particular was on vacation during my meltdown and I will have loads to tell her when she gets back. This friend and I met later in life, but we instantly clicked. She’s like a Gardenia. Gardenias are one of the most difficult flowers to grow, but with all the right ingredients and the right gardener, this plant can create the most beautiful flower. My friend is not open to everyone, but with the right people she’s one of the most beautiful friends to have in your circle. So similar to Gardenias. She is one of the most supportive friends that I have. She’s always ready to have a cup of coffee and talk about the troubles of life.
All of my friends have such different personalities, but similar in their support for me and I consider myself lucky to have them. I cannot stress this enough, that mom friends are so important. We need to be able to talk freely without judgement and without fear of being ridiculed. We need to have that “Judgement-Free” zone. Because being a SAHM is such a taxing job and very isolating, we need to be able to talk about our problems. Creating that lifeline of mom friends and support systems can save you from your day-to-day routine. And the changes you experience are typically similar to theirs and with your mom friends you can learn new perspectives on those issues.
Where to Find your Mama Support System
Finding mom friends can be really hard, especially for the non-outgoing and moms who keep to themselves. But there are so many ways to find mom friends. Here is a small list of ideas to find you the perfect mom friend.
- Check in on someone you knew already from high school or other places. People change, especially in adulthood.
- Find a mom group on social media.
- Peanut app. I did that and I found a friend that was in the same stages as I was.
- Put your baby or older child in an activity.
- Set up play dates.
When you decide to develop these new relationships, it’s very important to keep in touch with them. Try not to let them fizzle out because you didn’t meet up or you just don’t talk anymore. Sacrifice your time to talking to the people you need. Nourish the relationship, like you would a flower. Check-in, be supportive, bring up topics you care about, and don’t forget about one another.
Reasons for the Mama Support System
As humans it’s true that we are social beings. We need each other to be mentally and physically well. As stay-at-home moms, we tend to accidentally isolate and lose ourselves in the sinking sand of our home. We wear so many hats and are needed everywhere. The one most important thing that we forget about is our own mental health and well-being. We forget that we are important too and having mom friends can help with so many things. Some reasons are listed below, but there really are so many more benefits.
- Sharing perspectives.
- Understanding your struggles.
- True friends support you and your kids.
- They know what to say in stressful situations.
- You can say things with out judgement.
- You feel a sense of belonging.
- Bouncing ideas off of each other when making decisions.
- Venting
- Relating to each other in similar situations.
These are just some of the reasons we need mom friends or the mama support system.
Moral of the story
So, the moral of the story is that when your friends want to spend time with you, sacrifice your time to hang out with them. Lean on your Mama Support System when you need to. Also create the time with your friends, because the closer you get the more you can open up. And the more you open up, the better you feel. I know it’s hard to find the drive to want to see people, but in the grand scheme of things it will be better for your mental health.
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6 responses to “A Mama Support System and the Amazing Advantages”
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I loved reading this. I’m currently going through it. It’s not always easy for me to reach out. A lot of times I forget. Thanks for reminding me that it’s ok sometimes. Even though I can go MIA, don’t stop asking.
It’s extremely relatable going MIA. Keep your head up girl, it’s supposed to get easier! 🙂
I wish I could be the type of grand-MIL that could help you through these tough times. I understand. I was a SAHM with 4 kids in 6 years too. And times are different then yes, and people think they were such peaceful easy times. But remember—there were no disposable diapers, freezer meals, cool whip, etc. etc. So the times of mom support haven’t changed. I do understand. Again, wish I could physically help you through it. I love you, A. C.
Definitely! We are pretty lucky now days to have the changes you have mentioned above. Love you too!
This is so important for a mom’s mental health! The comparison trap can crush moms and having a support group of other mom’s to help you know you’re not alone and share life with is vital.
Thank you for your comment. I feel like as long as moms can have discussions about our lives and the stressors that exist, that’s when we will surely benefit. 🙂